If you are feeling suicidal now, please stop long enough to read this. It will only take about 5 minutes. I am not a therapist or other mental health professional, only someone who knows what it is like to be in pain.
Let’s start by considering this statement:
Suicide is not chosen, it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain.
That’s all it’s about. You are not a bad person, or crazy, or weak, or flawed because you feel suicidal. It doesn’t even mean that you really want to die, it only means that you have more pain than you can cope with right now. If I start piling weights on your shoulders, you will eventually collapse if I add enough weight……no matter how much you want to remain standing. Willpower has nothing to do with it. Of course, you would cheer yourself up if you could.
Don’t accept it if someone tells you, “Thant’s not enough to be suicidal about”. There are many kinds of pain that may lead to suicide. Whether or not the pain is bearable may differ from a person to person. What might be bearable to someone else, may not be bearable to you. The point at which the pain becomes unbearable depends on what kinds of coping resources you have. Individuals vary greatly in their capacity to withstand the pain.
You can survive suicidal feelings if you do either of the two things: (1) Find a way to reduce your pain (2) Find a way to increase your coping resources. Both are possible.
Now I want to share with you five things to think about……….
- You need to know that people do get through this, even people who feel as badly as you are feeling right now. Statistically, there’s a very good chance that you are going to live. I hope that this information gives you some sense of hope.
- Give yourself some distance. Tell yourself that, “I will wait 24 hours before I do anything”.Or a week. Remember that feelings and actions are two different things, just you feel like killing yourself, doesn’t mean that you have to actually do it right this minute. Put some distance between your suicidal feelings and suicidal actions. Even if it’s just for 24 hours. You have already done it for 5 minutes just by reading this page. Keep going, and realize that while you still feel suicidal, you are not, at this moment acting on it. That is very encouraging for me, and I hope it is to you.
- People turn to suicide because they are seeking relief from pain. Remember that relief is a feeling, and you have to be alive to feel it. You will not feel the relief you so desperately seek if you are dead.
- Some people will react badly to your suicidal feelings. either because they are frightened or angry. They may actually increase your pain instead of helping you, despite their intentions, by saying or doing thoughtless things. You have to understand that their bad reaction is about their fears, not about you. But there are many people out there who can help you in this horrible time., and will not judge you, or argue with you. They will simply care for you. Find one of them. Now! Use your 24 hours, or your week and tell someone what’s going on with you. It’s okay to ask for help.
- Don’t give yourself the additional burden of trying to deal with this alone. Just talking about how you got to where you are, releases an awful lot of pressure, and it might be just the additional coping resource you need to regain your balance.
- Suicidal feelings are traumatic. After they subside, you need to continue caring for yourself. Therapy is a really good idea, so are the various self -help groups.
Well, it’s been a few minutes and you’re still with me. I’m really glad.
Since you made it this far, you deserve a reward. I think that you should reward yourself by giving yourself a gift. The gift you will give yourself is a coping resource. Remember, back up near the top of the page, I said that the idea is to make sure you have more coping resources than you have pain. So let’s give you another coping resource, or two, or ten……!!! Until they outnumber your sources of pain.
Now, while this post may have given you some relief, the best coping resource I can give you is another human being to talk with. If you find someone who wants to listen and tell them how you are feeling and how you got to this point, you will have increased your coping resource by one. Hopefully, the first person you choose won’t be the last. There are many people out there who really want to hear from you, trust me. It’s time to start looking around for one of them
Now:I’d like you to call someone